Location: Canada
So last week for a couple days i'd been feeling quite emotional...not "Its-that-time-of-the-month-and-if-you-even-say-hi-I-may-start-crying" kind of emotional, but more like "I'm-in-a-different-place-realising-the-way-I've-been-living-i'snt-living" kind of emotional..am I making any sense?...maybe I should start somewhat near the beginning...
So i'm in Canada for a year, studying my second year of university, I have family here which is great, it means i'm not completely alone (although whether I was alone or not doesn't bother me).
So I was at my aunty and uncles for the Christmas holidays, three weeks I was there.....and the minute I started spending time with this family I realised they were on the opposite scale of the family i'm used to, my immediate family, and it made me feel uncomfortable, like I didn't quite fit in, they were and are very loving and welcoming, but that's the problem, I've never met a family so close and have so much love for each other, and I realised maybe it's because they're very God centered (my aunty and uncle are ministers), it's something my family back home lack and so I guess that's why sticky tape is used often to hold the cracks together.
So i've been there awhile now (at my aunts and uncles), going to church with them and just being apart of their family, and I'd realised my heart was full and wanted to explode, resulting in the fact that I am now very emotional.
I realised this on Friday, we were at church and my uncle came up to me and started praying, not with me, or at me...but for me, and this really shocked me, someone went out of their way to pray for me, (i'm used to doing things for others while trying to hold myself together)...this made me smile, but it was the content of the prayer that really hit me, not then, but later on that night when I was alone and wrapped up in bed, my eyes where most probably the only light in that room because I couldn't close them and go to sleep, I was too busy pondering on what he had said....
He wrapped his arms around me while I had my head down, I looked up to see it was him, but he had already had his eyes shut and he prayed, he prayed for my dad, for God to come down and show him the right path to walk. He prayed for my mum, to have her burdens lift and happiness fill her heart. He prayed for my cousin who is in hospital. He prayed for my sisters and my family as a whole.....then he prayed for me...the minute he said my name my heart stopped...he said to God he didn't know how I had the strength, to be in another country away from my family, carrying the burdens with me, he said to God, he knew I was alone in Windsor (uni) and that sometimes I may cry to myself because of my pain, and some other words that I cannot recall but do remember it had me thinking...
As I sat there with my head down listening to him praying for all these aspects of my life, I grew uncomfortable and anxious, he was letting these people around me hear my trials, he was bringing my problems to the forefront of my head, he was making them real, when I've tried so hard to cast them away and pretend 'problems' is a word that doesn't exist in my life.
I know I have problems, but I've made this brilliant person out of myself who can just brush them under the carpet and not think about it for so long, well not long enough that would have the salty water rise to my eyes.
But for someone to be there right next to me and acknowledge that even though I haven't said a word, he knows I have problems.
So that night while everyone else was in bed, I was reading a book that I had really gotten into, (three different women who had their own skeletons to acknowledge), I read until I got to the part where this girl had problems with her mother, she knew where she was but her mum was never apart of her life, but she found the courage to seek her out and mend her wounds, I started to feel upset and couldn't think why, then the words my uncle had said that evening surfaced, it brought tears to my eyes and I cried....I cried about him praying for me, I cried about the words he said, I cried about the problems within those words, I cried for the problems i'm facing and I cried while thanking God for putting me in the hands of this family, I cried while thanking him for allowing me to experience this kind of love, a love I thought only really existed on TV, I thanked him for the blessings that I have instead of the ones I don't, I cried until I eventually cried myself to sleep.
I felt better, but I still had that emotion stuck in me the day after, i'd been trying so hard not to cry in front of my family for the whole day, I think I underestimated the power of love until now, it can move you in a way you never knew was possible, so now I'm trying to think of ways to share this same love when I eventually get back to England
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